ReSet Coach

Setting up a small business?

2009-11-19T15:19:00.000+01:00

The last couple of months I was away... setting up my new blog/website and my coaching practice along with it...

I have learned a lot in the process, was supported by some amazing friends (you know who you are ;), and I would love to share... so if you happen to pass by my website and have questions on setting yourself up with something simmilar... let me know (p.s. this is a friendly offer here and not part of my services...)

enjoy,

ruba

Why we DIG!

2009-09-20T04:15:00.006+02:00

Trying to translate to a client/friend on an early friday morning ... why is it that our results in life are the great grandchildren of our unrealized thoughts... and why do we really need to go there... (mind you, she was not buying into my simplistic like attracts like story that was out with THE SECRET and could have made our lives... and conversation much more amicable... just kidding here of course!)

Translation... we start making "emotional" decisions about life, as soon as we come to the world...problem is they are too much to handle then... thus, we decide to forget the related memories and are left with the unconscious impressions that we made... and that start directing our lives through directing our actions and reactions to what and who we deal with, and as actions do get external reactions... yes we do get results... seemingly unwanted... but completely directed by 80% of our being (the unconscious mind)...

Another way of seeing it, is what our NLP masters have been preaching about, the RAS (it is in the head and its a real accronym for a really long name so lets just keep it at that), works like a sieve of information (as we recieve what they claim to be more than 2M bits per second)... makes sense to have to be picky on what we want to register... so yes we pick and choose to see, hear, touch, feel... basically EXPERIENCE life... based on the sieves that we apply in our RAS...

hmm... so HOW do we change our EXPERIENCE of life... by changing the sieve... the believes and perspectives through which we see life, and that are born from ideas, thoughts and impressions that have been given enough "food for growth" whether real or imagined.... and have become the lense through which we are able to see life...

So... going DIGGING anyone!

What do you mean by Faith!

2009-09-10T09:08:00.005+02:00

You might have probably heard "anonymous" say... that when the student is ready, the teacher arrives...and when the teacher is ready... the student arrives... hmmm... aren't we all though... perpetually... students-in-progress...

It is also said, the teacher is there "within us"...or... maybe this teacher is actually WITH us... incarnated in the faces of "people" we meet in our thought-juxtapositions!

I still find this "synchronicity" or the way that life reveals its "scripted" sequence of events, magnificent in its perfection (even though this process has been triggered for me a few years ago, sometime after I started at MNSHS)...

In a discussion with my amazing peer client the other day... he proposed that the coaching relationship is a dance... the beauty of which comes from the involvement and skill... of both people involved... but again... isn't it also a solo performance... where you "as a coach" are allowed within the safe space of its creation...

But to "DO" what exactly... to answer this, it was AB again last night with her BEing...replying to my un-aritculated wondering..."it is but the pure old FAITH... trusting the process while it unfolds to perfection"...

And what this meant, to my step by step mind is:

The issue: An attachment to a specific outcome that massages our ego "I" CAN help!

The unwanted result: "I", is focused on performance, rather than on the process (insecurites, fears, perfectionism, competitiveness... all come in the way)

Solution: Replace the habit, give your busy mind something to do! "LISTEN" with all your senses to your teacher at the moment (yes you are the coach but to you, he/she IS the teacher at that moment... )

and till we meet again...

Count to ...a hundred!

2009-09-07T08:38:00.005+02:00

In life... generally... a virtue of patience is either a gift, or a costly purchase acquired through set-backs along the hurried road to accomplishment... either way, its an acquirement and a requirement...to wade through the -rather awkward- waters of change...

In one of ABs classes this week, we have been invited into yet another tool... a "skill assessment matrix", that is used to rate an ability, based on a number of skill evaluation criteria... (e.g if we are evaluating our skill of active listening, one of the evaluation criterias would be the ability to summarize and paraphrase what is being said), the different levels of competency will show as follows:

Knowledge (I know I can demonstrate my listening through paraphrasing what I hear in proper intervals),
the ability to implement the knowledge (I am able to paraphrase...) moving on to
the ability to assimilate and transfer this knowledge (through educating, coaching) and finally
reaching a level of integration that requires no conscious awareness while doing a certain skill... as the skill becomes part of who you are...

So what does this have to do, with patience... its the fact that I realized, that knowledge transference (through reading, coaching, teaching...) does not factor the time necessary to allow me (or others) to move into the next level of implementing this information in my life, no matter how willing I might be to do so or how much it sounded convincing at the time...

The secret of the...Magic bullet!

2009-09-01T09:10:00.007+02:00

Intrinsicly Corporate (yours truly!), the phrase "goal setting" is exhausted with over-use and under-performance, suggesting inflexibile and misinformed paperwork, prepared and argued upon once a year, then shelved till its time to "explain"...variances that is!

Re-learning how to approach "goal-getting" from the point of view of where we are in our "stages of change" , re-introduced me to an extremely useful concept, and answered a nagging question that was brought up in an earlier post regarding the "source" of our ambitions!

In short, the act of "writing down our plans" can only be effective "AFTER" the build-up of a certain level of "commitment" and "feelings" around the outcome.

And, as "commitment" is the thermo-indicator of the "relevance" that a certain GOAL has to our "values", finding ourselves constantly snuggled between "wanting to change" and "preparing for it", questions not just the level of such a commitment, but also the relevance that those goals have to our motivational system...

My Inner Game of....FEAR

2009-08-21T20:39:00.004+02:00

So this week, I flunked my driving test...I didn't receive it lightly at the time if you're wondering...I have a tendency to take my self too seriously (you know that by now ;)

But as God presents us with challenges to our self-esteem, he provides us with intelligent books that seem to de-code the reason for why we appear to uncover the "stupidity gene" at exactly the wrong time...

Tim Gallwey, in his book "The Inner Game of Tennis", says: "with minds filled with self-criticism, hesitation, and over-analysis, our actions are awkward, mis-timed, and ineffective", thank you Mr. Gallwey. The tennis coach who was reknowned for teaching tennis to complete amateurs in less than 30 minutes (watch it)!, realized early on, that the key to better learning was less instruction.... basically, the less we engage the logical step by step left brain in a type of activity that requires a "multi-sensory" approach, the more the body will realize its innate potential to do almost "anything" and will produce amazing results...

So, while we believe that our minds give us necessary instruction, it is rather chattering away at our self confidence, "I can't do this", "this is confusing", "I must do this well", messages that come from an innate "fear of failure" springing off from a "judging" attitude that we seem to otherwise keep hidden in our subconscious, and the more we seem to "fail", the less we are inclined to do something challenging and are yet left in our "comfort zones"... wondering...what is it that is wrong with us!

I "help" young couples....FIGHT MORE!

2009-08-14T08:34:00.007+02:00

When I read Elizabeth Gilbert's book "Eat Pray Love" there was this story about the Italian/American-couple that have a wall decorated with "SWEARS" from the time the wife used it as a "venting" platform, amidst an "argument" with her Italian husband... who (not surprisingly) found it a rather "mild" expression of feelings... displaying different perspectives on "fighting" backed by each partys' cultural "seasoning"!

The moral of this story was brought back to my mind in this weeks' midnight "date" with Angela Bird while we were discussing a coachs' confidence-levels this time... so how come I want to be a "relationship" coach for instance, when I might have a quarrel with my husband over breakfast the morning right before I meet a client of mine, will I have to "fake" it as a professional and make it sound that I have the solutions to life "in my mind screaming..CROOK"!...

To the contrary "and to the relief of my perfectionist self who was struggling with its own egotistical needs", my beloved mentor thinks this might be exactly where one may "need" to be to end up more "curious and demure" towards the answers that the clients' wisdom will provide (which basically means he is going to ask marvellous questions and allow the client more freedom to explore his/her creativity rather than fall into the trap of relaying advice), its a bonus apparently that gives our clients a safe place knowing you "have been there yourself" sometime...

So gathering my "skeletons" and throwing them out of my closet feels so refreshing, I love my relationship, glitches, fights, make-ups and all... its the place where I safely wander within myself, exploring my "archetypes"..."shadows" and all possibilities of my "BEING" with my dearest "soul-mate", "rival", or anything that he wishes to be at that exact moment of time... kisses to you dear!

In Sync!..with Happiness...

2009-08-07T19:41:00.008+02:00

I drove my lovely coach to the edge this week... "ab"using her as a sounding "hit"-board.... for my 100+1 questions about what exactly it is that I would like to focus on as a coach, namely the "niche" I am going to target when I finally go "on-air"!

Little did I know that my "consciousness" would make a u-turn into "happiness" (after nodding off) at a midnight hour-class with Angela Bird ... let me explain....

The "Angel" from Australia (sounds misty and a bit misleading about her "well-rounded" nature, anyway bare with me) was discussing positive-psychology, basically ideas presented by Michael Argyle with regard to the different types of happiness, starting with hedonism (pleasurable activities in the form of constant drinking, dining...) moving into the more sustainable happiness that comes from working towards a purpose that connects to the ESSENSE of our being, while feeling the "flow" through working at tasks that slightly challenge our talents yet match them in "kind", and there it hit me....

A couple of weeks into coaching school, I have attended every one of the "Communities of practice" sessions (the business, the sales, the family...) all short of the spiritual community of practice, thinking I wanted something "more marketable" that I could describe with "quantifiable" terms, I was missing the excited attitude that I had towards my healing education... I used to go on for hours while people asked me one question after another about what is it that I am learning... how does it apply to so and so.... I was "engaged" and "engaging"... I have always wanted to help people find out what is it that drives them in life, find a purpose and meaning that arises from who they are as people, an aim that they desire and that works with consideration of how "perfectly" they have been "made" for it...

So yes... quantifiable or not...I AM going to work with Happiness!!! ...

Next time u c someone drving a Ferrari....

2009-08-04T12:19:00.010+02:00

On the stressful implications of SUCCESS: "Alain De Botton" in an enchantingly witty speech throws a crucial question:

"Are we the AUTHORS of our ambitions?" do we really know that our definition of success is based on our personal beliefs (as opposed to family expectations, media representations and social acceptance)?

Through humor and heavily provocative thoughts, I was left reflecting as to whether I have defined the thin line between "owning my success and defeats" (from a point of personal responsibility and the shunning of a victimized-attitude) or whether that has resulted in a less tolerating approach towards failure with myself and others...

In the spirit of "Celebrating"!

2009-07-31T06:29:00.008+02:00

Tomorrow is SwissDay, and I am looking forward to an incandescent eve of fresco and "celebration" at August (I am referring both to the month and to the magnificence of) CHUR! ...

As coaches, we celebrate our clients' milestones, and we learn to live from a state of constant "celebration", which is (as elegantly put by ICA), a state of GRATITUDE that allows you to look back and SAVOR the moment...

On a more personal note, my most recent "celebration" and "Gratitude" is a very dear interview (avec moi!), published by my newest ICS friend "Serge Thill" from "ACCOMPANY"...take a look!

A Particular Case of Writer's Block!

2009-07-29T23:30:00.008+02:00

Trying to get this post complete for the last few days, I have three drafts in place, hmmm, what "IS" the reason for this typical case of "writer's brainlock"?

In a class about UACs (Underlying Automatic Commitments) or what EFT would call Psychological Reversal and Munira would term subconscious beliefs... all with reference to the same concept, "an underlying compulsive thought contradicting our articulated (conscious belief/decision or goal if you might say), that holds us back from doing what we confirm that we want to do"...

This subliminal demon in the form of a particular fear, guilt, affirmation, internalized negative comment,or (as it is in this specific case) the famous demoralizing "fear of failure"-partially of not writing something upto par, something that is intelligent and fascinating, afraid to repeat myself, bore out my small audience- but mainly, worry of disappointing my super egotistical writer self!

How about you, what is it that's stopping you from "going to that interview", "sticking to your health plan" or simply saying "I am sorry"...

"Three" Way to "No Way"

2009-07-25T20:45:00.006+02:00

Have you ever tried to support a friend on a weight-loss mission and gave her 'the look' on ordering her favourite chocolate cake while you were 'lunching-out' together...GUILTY (me, as charged), or maybe you were the mother who took her children on a 'guilt-trip' to arrive at what she 'believed' was the best for them, -or- you may be telling someone they will have to agree to YOUR terms 'or else!'.

Unsolicited advice- or worse..threats- robs a person from his/her GOD-GIVEN access to a wealth of wisdom that actually WORKS for THEM, the least damage would be a state of confusion and the worst a confidence crises, both leading to an impaired decision-making which backfires at our 'innocent' intentions that are tainted with our own judgements and agendas.

In a great class about the role of "ENTHUSING" in coaching (which is basically emotionally energizing our clients' dreams and goals with words of encouragement that reflect our genuine trust in human dexterity and resourcefulness), Ronnie Noize used a beautiful metaphor of a "matchstick and a bonfire" to portray how we help a cient grow his "ember" of motivation-which would otherwise be easily put-off by paralysing words of discouragement-into a blazing bonfire that would stand to winds of resistance and disapproval.

This untainted enthusiasm in a "process" of "focused attention" and "specific" goals (coaching) might be all we really need to reach beyond our goals and ambitions, "quickly and efficiently".

"Clear Your Clutter"...Karen Kingston

2009-07-21T23:32:00.011+02:00

This is an all time favourite for my minimalistic approach, a term coined by a european-turned-balinese, based on the age-old chinese scriptures on space geometry, making it accessable to many of us whose right brain skills are still in transit at the moment.

An amazing article from the "metamorphosis" guru on the various decluttering possibilities brought to mind the one single sieve through which this book taught me to re-view "items" in my life...

"To Toss or To Keep... This is the question"

Do I use it?, Do I totally love it?, Do I have a place for it? Do I have too many of it?

If anythings answers yes to ANY of the above questions, it would have to go (or will not be admitted into my life), this applies no matter what IT costs, has or had a sentimental value, or whether my poor husband will be utterly devastated when he finds out (just a tease, I am counting on the fact that he doesn't read my blog ;))

So, just close your eyes for a moment, do you see the possibiities that this constantly renewed energy in your life can open up! What do you think?

Power "to you"!

2009-07-20T21:20:00.006+02:00

Powerful Listening was a power-filled class.....(talking about how its easier said than done, I was trying to write this post and my husband was trying to tell me the new statistics on Syrian agriculture!!!) Ok, so when is it "precisely" that we call on the ALCHEMY of Powerful listening skills?!...

I was wondering after class if the keyword to listening is exactly the keyword to anything else in our life, Mindfulness, Being in the moment, Being so interested in whats happening now, Being especially curious to check out the result of the unravelling of a million co-incidences (or the lack of them)... the NOW... so maybe the most powerful listening tool of all is simply BEING...(in context of a coaching session) it would be: trusting that everything that we need to know to encounter this moment have already been learned, and that what needs to be born of it is being wrapped in linen around the beak of a magical stork, carrying with it a few more challenges for the days to come!

What would I miss?

2009-07-15T22:30:00.004+02:00

I received this link with the EFT newsletter, it touched me to the core... but I will keep my rambling about the power of the human mind to the minimum...

What it got me thinking though... as I was listening to the trinkling of the summer rain outside my window... is what is it that I would miss if I lost one (or more) of my senses, I took a few minutes to close my eyes... my ears... my nose... or is it when we stop listening/seeing/tuning to the world around us... we probably can listen..see.. tune more internally...

I learned to use my perception of what is happening around me (and around my clients in a session) to learn about what's happening within, as I strongly believe its all there to teach us more about what we need to know... is it possible that a person who has lost a sense is already beyond needing it... and that his access to the next level of power within is letting go of feelings of victimization and opening up to new possibilities... well, seeing this young man.. is believing ...

"The best things in life are..." hmm actually For a FEE

2009-07-13T20:39:00.005+02:00

The discussion in the 'Trial Session' Class today was basically about this, do u give a complimentary first session to the client, allow a discounted price, or skip this step completely...

It has become standard practice among coaches to invite you into a trial session, to test the coaching relationship and decide if it is right for you before investing a one month or a quarterly fee... fair enough, but what does a 'free' trial session expected to turn into... a marketing session on the 'time account' of both the client and the coach -who's best efforts would be focused on impressing a potential client, that is! Maybe this is not completely true but I do agree with the school of thought that focuses on a fair exchange of energy, only then will you as a service provider be able to give the best that you have... or else at the end of the day, these efforts will only serve to deplete you of your motivation, to say the least.

This is not against the beautiful value of gifting (offering something with the 'SOUL' purpose of giving) which opens the door for unintended and unlimited receiving when done with the pure intention of philantropy! but how many of us can attest to our "pure" intention in any business exchange...

So, I am offering a 'complimentary session', to test out the concept (as a homework :)) so if you or anyone you know would like to try out one typical coaching session with me... You are most welcome! to take me up on my offer!

"The World is Just Awesome" discovery channel adv.

2009-07-12T10:00:00.006+02:00

I woke up anxious! My husband was already making deliciously smelling coffee and I was sitting in bed terrified!!! I just had the most amazing day yesterday, and this is making me panick...is this possible!

How could it be that a simple day comprised of a 5 hour stroll around town, a cup of coffee at a deserted local diner, and a deep bonding feeling with my husband result in so much panic, are we soo pre-programmed into disbelieving we are allowed to be completely happy, even if this happiness is coming from the simplest and most natural things in life, do we un-consciously expect life to keep doling-us-out moments of pain in order to balance-off moments of happiness we secretly (as a secret from our own selves) do not feel we deserve!

For me, it was a mixture of specific negative beliefs, guilt, and fear that I had to literally "face-off"... It just made me ponder over the amplitude of moments of pure "bliss" that we miss out on everyday...

"Very superstitious... writings on the wall" Stevie wonder

2009-07-11T05:55:00.013+02:00

I am not particularly Superstitious, or at least, this is what I would like you to believe!!! yet, I still couldn't help cringe at the sound of a crow's croak, no matter how much I tried to rationalize it away, believe it away or beat it with a stick... at the end of the day, I would find one teeny bit of evidence and add it to my semi-conscious belief that this little black guy calls for bad luck...

I have been fidling with EFT for a while, as a supporting technique to the coaching part of the work I am currently doing at MNSHS (both approaches require focusing on and accepting the current emotional aspect of an issue in order to clear it away). I decided to give the tapping technique (EFT) a go at this one.

The details of what happened here are irrelevant, but the profound shift in my perspective makes me wonder again, how much of what we accept as facts in our lives...is actually true?

"Not all those who wander are lost" J.R.R. Tolkien

2009-07-10T22:54:00.005+02:00

I came across this saying while I was drowning in my study plan for the next couple of months... International Coach Academy (or LOBii as it is being named now) has an extremely interesting set-up for it's classes, they are done over the phone, yes u did hear me (read me) correctly, you connect to classses with different time options (thus you understand why all this planning)...this comes in handy, you are equipped with the useful tool of TELEPHONE coaching which expands my options quite gracefully. I also need to respond to discussion boards, study manuals, and practice practice practice! Beautiful... so Mrs.Tolkien, what about those who take up way too much, does any of them actually return safely!

'What do YOU want?'

2009-07-09T19:16:00.005+02:00

'What is it that YOU want?' Quoting Veronika Noize, Practice leader of the Business Community at the International Coach Academy (ICA, my new school), and 'Coach to the Stars' as per her twitter account. This question is her standard answer to finding your own personal solution for life and business challenges.

I was listening to an audio recording of one of her interviews and doted on her definition of a Coach 'Your Professional Best Friend' she says, 'It's someone who helps you clarify your dreams, and find out not only your goals, but also who you are'! very well said.

I have been asked this question several times (what exactly is a Coach) and my answer was mostly a definition of what a personal/business coach is NOT. In coaching as opposed to psychological counselling for example (where you are asked to re-live emotional traumas and feel victimized over and over again), a coach helps u throw-away the blame, and gradually understand how your conscious/subconscious belief system (and thus actions) recreate the same unfavorable situations over and over, thus EMPOWERING you to actually change your EXPERIENCE of the world around you, from within your SELF .

Another service that coaching is often confused with is the consulting business, where you are basically given out standardized answers to your OWN business emulations, where as in coaching, you are driven to formulate YOUR own answers from the deep wisdom within your being, which leaves you more satisfied and confident in facing forthcoming situations.

on ur marks...ReSET....BLOG!

2009-07-08T17:09:00.000+02:00

Ok I am laughing at this start, wondering if I have chosen the right name and the usual things I am sure all of u serious bloggers out there have been through already.

Just hoping its a start of something fun :) wish me luck whoever is reading this here!